The Trifecta

Several minutes ago, I displayed a complete mastery of my bodily functions by peeing, tooting, and blowing my nose all at the same time. I know it doesn't sound all that impressive, but try it, its a tricky act to pull off. Here's to multi-tasking.

Under-rated

I realize that underrated, like overrated is not traditionally spelled with a hyphen, however I was going for the chanted version, you know like when a rather highly regarded team is beaten but a significantly lesser team in some sort of sporting event, the fans of the lesser team will often chant, "over-rated!" to mock the team that lost. Which I never really got that, because if you beat someone, doesn't it look better for you if they're really good? Why would you want people to think they're overrated right after you beat them? If it weren't so wordy, I'd probably chant something like "You are every bit as good as people say you are, but it turns out we are just that much better than you!" or something to that effect. Anyway, that's not the point of this post, rather the point is to mention a few of my very favorite things which are extremely underrated by our culture and society as a whole.

1. "Can't Hardly Wait" - This classic comedy with romantic overtones set as a group of seniors graduates high school not only contains Jennifer Love Hewitt in her prime, but also some pretty memorable quotes and even a solid soundtrack. It has the 90's written all over it. But most importantly, it has the guy who plays The Bass Player in "That Thing You Do." . . . Speaking of which . . .

2. "That Thing You Do" - A romantic comedy about a band called The Wonders who have one smash hit before everything comes crashing down, this film is rather hilarious. One of Tom Hanks first ventures into directing did not do well in theaters but developed a cult like following. Anyone who has ever seen this movie loves it. You cannot prove to me otherwise. If you say you can you're a liar. Just kidding . . . but seriously.

3. R.E.M. - I don't know exact song titles, because I, like everyone else, severely under-appreciate the greatness of R.E.M., but a few of my faves are "Losing My Religion," "It's the End of the World," "I am Superman," and "Stand in the Place Where You Live." I just don't understand when discussions about the great rock bands of the 80's and 90's how this group is forgotten. Also their front man Michael Stipe does a great song with Coldplay's Chris Martin called "In the Sun," check it out.

4. Elementary School Pizza - You know the stuff I'm talking about, the rectangle pizza with the cheese too white to be real cheese, but man was it delicious. I think elementary school cafeteria food got a bad wrap in general, but maybe that's just me.

I think that's all for now, I'm sure there are a lot more things, but I noticed people basically only read my posts if they're under a certain length, so I'm trying to bend a little toward my fan base.

Buffalo Wild Wings

I was at Buffalo Wild Wings this afternoon with my buddy watching some football before he went back home to Illinois. If you've ever been out to eat with me, you know that I go through my glasses of pop rather quickly and then about halfway through the meal they all hit me and I end up peeing about every 14 minutes until we leave. Well today was no different. As my first trip to the bathroom was coming to its conclusion, I was about to throw away the paper towels I used to dry my hands and noticed that the trash can was labeled 'Patio.' I looked at it for a minute and I'm still trying to figure out if someone just misplaced the trash can, or if I actually peed outside.

Feedback

I find it amusing (also read, disturbing) that I got twice as many comments on a blog about a prophetic ear wax dream than I did on a blog in which I ask for help in finding direction in my life. Apparently giant ear wax resonates more with people than life choices.

A Letter to My Ankles

Dear Ankles,

I would like to clear the elephant in the room. For some time now we have had what could be called at best a love/hate relationship. I try to love and take care of you, I buy you nice expensive braces, I ice you when needed. I've given you countless hours with a personal trainer (also known as a physical therapist). I try not to walk on un-even ground to try and avoid rolling you unintentionally. I work out my calves so you have something nice to look at. I wear Jordan Brand shoes so you are always surrounded by greatness and style. I've even given one of you an extreme makeover (aka surgery). Yet all you do is return my love with hate. I give and I give and I give, and you roll and you roll and you roll.

Sometimes I try to have conversations with you, you know give you a little pep talk. I tell you, I'm not going to ask much from you. I'm not going to try and make ridiculous cuts or plant hard on you, I just want to run, jump and occasionally shuffle without any problems. And if you could talk back to me, I'm pretty confident your response would sound something like, "Hahahahaha, don't you wish! We'll give out on you whenever we please!" And I've got to give it to you, you are joints of your word.

So after a third injury in the last month, I've given up my attempts to plead and reason with you. I'm giving you a break. No more jumping, no more coming down on other peoples feet, no more planting to get in front of my man on defense. You can officially take a leave of absence. Maybe in a couple months you will decide to come back to work for me. Until then, enjoy your vacation.

Sincerely,
The Rest of Your Body (aka Ravi)

What Should I Do?

So I'm in my fourth year of college, and I'll be graduating next year with a degree in Marketplace Ministry. I have no idea what this means. Having no idea what your degree is really in is a pretty good indication that you have no idea what you want to do in life. After several years of trying to figure it out on my own, I've decided to get some outside help. That's where you would come in. Family, friends, strangers, loved ones, random blog stalkers, however well you know me, or don't know me at all, tell me what you think I should do with my life. I'm serious about this, I have no idea, so throw me a bone here.

Love Bug

So I was driving in my jeep the other day, and I heard a song on the radio that I had never heard before. It was pretty catchy. It had a nice raw feeling to it and then built up to a genuine rock out type of groove. I was enjoying it. As the song wrapped up the DJ came on and announced that the song was "Love Bug" by the Jonas Brothers . . . And for the first time in my life I considered briefly steering myself into oncoming traffic. I had, without my own knowledge, and completely by accident, listened to and liked a Jonas Brothers song, in its entirety. I didn't know what to do. I still don't know what to do.

This happened about a week ago, and to this point my plan of action was one of secrecy and if necessary denial. But I found myself leaving this song on the radio the next few times it came on. I found myself bobbing my head, tapping my toe, and for the love of everything good and holy I think I may have even sung along for a few bars. It became clear to me that I have a problem. Is there some sort of support group for this? Can I get a hold of one of those memory eraser things from Men in Black? Anyone who has any answers, please advice.